By Juan C. Ayllon Music has a way of interweaving in our subconscious with key life moments. Bolivian folk music conjures childhood memories of laughter, loud conversations, dancing adults and thumping bass keeping me awake with vinyl spinning late into the night; Pat Metheny’s This Way Up, takes me back to 2010 with the intertwined fingers, passionate kisses, and long drives home from Belle’s with it blaring in my Mitsubishi Montero. And, most recently, songs from Karrin Allyson’s In Blue--which was streaming just before we received the news--along with Andreas Bocelli’s live rendition of “Amazing Grace” and Bette Middler's "Wind Beneath My Wings" will be forever conjoined with memories of the recent passing of my father-in-law, William Robert Stevenson. This amalgam seems fitting. A member of the paramilitary group, the Ulster Defense Association in Belfast, Ireland, he was a rogue and raging alcoholic with a young family. Paychecks spent on pub tabs, dinner plate shattering, making petrol bombs with his Mary, kids in the backseat ducking gunfire as their car raced down cobblestone streets, and lecherous, dangerous men drinking in their living room were his staple. Then he found Jesus and, given 48 hours to leave town after asking leave from the UDA, he packed up his family and preached in Scotland, served as a missionary in Seoul, Korea for seven years and moved to the U.S. where he worked the speaking circuit with the Brethren Church in the U.S. and India (where he helped establish some churches and schools). Revered by many, he was a complicated man. There were rifts in the family and his son, William III, refused to call or fly down to see him or Mary in the days that followed. Belle traveled to Tampa for three weeks after hearing he was in hospice, visiting him daily at the convalescent home, making church and funeral arrangements, comforting Mary, and tending to financial matters needing attention. Billy lost 40 lbs., wasn't eating or drinking, could no longer speak, and did not recognize her. Fighting tears at the end of her last visit, she blew him a flourish of kisses and said, “the next time I see you, Dad, we will be in heaven.” Lying supine in bed with the covers drawn up to his chin, his eyes opened and he made a weak, waving gesture with his hand under the blanket, pursing his lips as he blew kisses back. Her extended leave spent, she returned to Chicago, only to receive notice that he’d passed several days later on October 10th at the age of 78. This time, we flew down together on bereavement, when funeral and church service arrangements were finalized and we visited with Mary, Naomi (Belle’s wheelchair bound half sister), and family friends. Connor, Belle’s younger son, joined us for the wake at Central Bible Chapel in Odessa, Florida where 106 lovely people attended to celebrate a life well lived. A trumpeter accompanied the organ and congregation as we sang “Amazing Grace.” I was moved. Two days later, we buried my father-in-law. Several nights after we returned, I held Belle on the couch while she cried listening to Andreas Bocelli's "Amazing Grace", Bette Middler's "Wind Beneath My Wings" and an assortment of Jim Brickman songs streaming in our family room. And little over a week later as I mull this over, David Sanborn’s Backstreet album plays on my sound system. It was one of my first CDs I purchased in 1990 while rediscovering my artistic side in art school at Cal State San Bernardino. Now ripped to my music server, its alternating bluesy, tender, passionate, sad, contemplative and upbeat demeanor captures the torrent of the emotions I feel. It’s complicated. There’s death, mourning, grief, angst and also life, hope and joy. And I have--we all have--the elixir of music to wash it down and help make sense of it all. It seems fitting that as I wrap up, David Sanborn’s emotive rendition of “Neither One of Us (Wants to Say Goodbye)” is playing. Fair well, Billy. See you in Heaven.
2 Comments
Dan
10/26/2019 04:32:24 pm
Juan, my prayers for Belle and you. God bless.
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3/1/2020 07:17:48 pm
I know this is way after the fact, but thanks, Dan. I truly appreciate that!
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Juan C. AyllonA writer, artist, educator and owner of Prairie Audio Man Cave, he lives with his wife, Isabel (AKA Belle), and their Goldendoodle, Liam, enjoys listening to high fidelity music and all things hi-fi at their home in the greater Chicagoland area.. Archives
March 2024
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