Reflections from the New Cave -- Balance, Compromise and Perspective Key to Long Term Happiness12/7/2021 By Juan C. Ayllon My late grandmother Doughty once said that life is about cycles; it’s about a long journey with its ebbs and flow, peaks and valleys, and the wise learn to savor the joys and make peace with its difficulties. And in this season, I find myself more acutely aware of life’s precious and fleeting nature. My mother, in her eighties, though mentally sharp, relies on a cane and a walker to augment unsteady steps. And tomorrow morning, my wife, Belle (Isabel), will undergo an invasive surgery. She should be fine, but it’s still a bit frightening. Remarried late in life, we have come to appreciate the joys and trials of two loving but imperfect people doing life together in their fifties (actually, I just turned 60 this year). There’s laughter, conversations, pillow talk, listening to music, dancing, affection, arguments, the joys of grandchildren, stresses of downsizing, budgeting for retirement, dining out, binge watching Netflix--and so much more. Several weeks ago when Belle was shopping with her mother while bundled in a hoodie and down jacket, I walked our Goldendoodle, Liam, around our neighborhood. I was missing her company when the thought crossed me: what if she was gone? Like the buffeting cold November wind, feelings of isolation and loneliness I’d experienced for years as a mature single chilled me as they flooded back. Sure, I had friends, but it wasn’t the same. Not even close. I would be without my best friend in the world, and I would suffer terribly in her absence. And so it occurs that I -- that we -- should savor time with our mates and those dear to us because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Build trust and intimacy, and don’t let the pursuit of things damage or crowd them out. Last night as we watched an episode of The Voice (for those unfamiliar, it's a popular televised singing competition) with the lights dimmed in our newly finished basement, I spied Belle glancing about the room with a huge smile. The months we poured into planning, hiring and managing contractors and moving heavy furniture paid off. It’s a wide open space with exposed, spray painted ceilings, crown moulding, and rustic commercial grade vinyl flooring. “I really love my barn door,” she gushes over the sliding barn door that she painted four layers on dividing the main space from the HVAC/storage room. And to think that I originally planned on subdividing the downstairs into several areas, including a separate room for my high fidelity A/V equipment! That really would have shrunken our basement. I am so glad that I listened to Belle and popular YouTube audio reviewer, Andrew Robinson, who suggested that having a dedicated listening room was ultimately a mistake; that listening shouldn’t be shunted off into isolated spaces, but integrated into the heart of our homes to be shared with all. Thankfully, now in our basement, we have a large and inviting room with the listening/AV section located in the front half, with select and sparse acoustic treatments leaning against walls that can be removed when company comes by, thus accommodating Belle’s aesthetic sensibilities and letting the marvelous crafted wood dining table and armoire located at the rear shine unobstructed. Less truly is more. It is here in our grand space that we will be serving Christmas dinner for our extended family in a few weeks. We are excited!
Frankly, in pursuing our audio hobby, it’s easy to get carried away, and taken to extremes, we run the risk of damaging our families. Excessive spending of resources such as our time or money on the latest trends or gear, for example, or lying about pricy purchases, as some are accustomed to doing, can not only hurt our budgets, but undermine trust and loving relationships and rob us of precious time spent with them. After all, what good is having the latest and greatest when you are forced to enjoy it alone? As Christmas and the winter holidays approach, enjoy what you have with those you love and let the rest go.
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Juan C. AyllonA writer, artist, educator and owner of Prairie Audio Man Cave, he lives with his wife, Isabel (AKA Belle), and their Goldendoodle, Liam, enjoys listening to high fidelity music and all things hi-fi at their home in the greater Chicagoland area.. Archives
March 2024
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