By Juan C. Ayllon Several months ago on ‘The Audiophiliac’ YouTube show, Steve Guttenburg suggested that if your sound system is really optimized to your taste, you will find yourself listening to music over it more than ever. That troubled me. My two channel stereo and listening room has never – and I mean NEVER – sounded better across the sound spectrum, yet nowadays, I will sometimes go days on a stretch sans a session of dedicated music listening. Lately when I plop down in front of my stereo, it’s primarily on evenings or weekends watching HD TV shows or movies with Belle (I may squeeze in a half hour or so of listening before that, but that’s mostly it). Now mind you, the improvement in speakers, electronics and room acoustics are greatly appreciated with the heightened detail, spatial cues and a more palpable sense of presence. These improvements are also noticeable with YouTube music videos, which Belle prefers for their simplicity and visual elements, which add context and an enchanting storytelling quality. Yet the issue of my decreased time listening — really listening — to music remains and vexes me. I’ve been struggling to grasp why, and finally I am just beginning to understand this development of the last four months. No Time Left for You The first and most obvious reason is that after teaching half days this past summer, I am back in the classroom full-time again, which means I have less discretionary time to listen to music. However, I have taught full time for the last 27 years, and I definitely logged more time enjoying music then. In fact, it was one of the ways that I decompressed after working with students all day, so although my listening often falls off somewhat during the school year, there’s definitely something else afoot here. Tools, Not Toys The second thing that comes to mind is that I have spent a lot of mental energy reviewing equipment and related subjects recently, and so, more and more, I am coming to view the components in my stereo as tools, rather than toys, and so it’s natural for me to try and analyze what I’m hearing, rather than simply taking it in and enjoying it, as I have done so for years. It’s a subtle shift from a pleasurable sense of awe and wonder to a form of work. Sometimes, I actually have to remind myself to relax, stop analyzing, put the cell phone down, lean back, and just…listen…and feel the music. Here, I am reminded of the Mindfulness movement championed in school districts nationwide in the U.S. for several years now: I have to be intentional in taking deep, slow breaths, relax my shoulders, focus on the present, and key in on the music playing before me. Retirement-Mortis? Third, with my retirement from teaching in Illinois public schools a year and a half ago, and with a few more years left teaching across the Illinois-Wisconsin border (to avoid penalizing my pension) before I call it a career, I face a daunting question: what will I do when I am completely finished with teaching? I have plans of expanding the scope and breadth of my writing to freelance on various subjects, but how I flesh out my post teaching plans remains uncomfortably clear. Maybe I’ll write a book. Or maybe I’ll work as an educational consultant, teach online college extension classes, or all of the above. Who knows? I’d like to paint and do more art. The possibilities are exciting, but at the same time, the lack of clarity causes me some anxiety. Kicking things up a notch, there’s an actuarial study conducted by some of the larger US Pension Funds including Boeing Aerospace, Ford Motor Company and Bell Labs that shows that many employees who retired at age 65 died within two years of retirement. (“Work Till You’re 65 and Die at 67: Scary Report Shows How Work Affects Life Expectancy.” arbiterz.com, Sept. 27, 2019) That's mortifying. As a relative newcomer to the 60s, with its aches, stiffness, and other constant reminders of my age, my youthful days of 325 lb. bench presses for reps are long gone, but not only that; I have a growing sense of my mortality, and hearing and reading about studies like this doesn't help matters! This past week, I was invited to join a church sponsored Thanksgiving football game. They dubbed it "The Turkey Bowl." Normally, I'd be pumped to play, but nowadays, I'm afraid that if I participate, I might damage a knee or throw out my back. No thank you! Clearly, concerns about post-retirement work, as well as increasing age-related risks, weighs on me and no doubt detracts from present pursuits, including music appreciation. Can You Spare a Dime? Fourth, when my teaching days end, I foresee more frugal days ahead, with less discretionary income for, amongst other things, audio pursuits. As a result, it’s become abundantly clear that in terms of the amalgam of electronics, media and speakers I’ve built over the years, this is about as good as it will get for me. Any significant improvements will no doubt require major outlays of cash, which I promised Belle I wouldn’t spend, and which, frankly, I don’t have. I’ve climbed my audio mountain, and this is probably it for me. Saving and conserving resources is the order of the day now. Chasing the Carrot For years, I’ve pursued the illusion of audio perfection, of getting this latest, greatest component or tweak that I could afford or finagle. I’ve been chasing the proverbial carrot on a stick. But what happens when you catch the carrot? We all know of media superstars who, after they reach their pinnacle of success, drug themselves into oblivion or commit suicide. Now, rest assured, that will never be me. I am going through some changes and feel restless, but at my core, I am good. I think what it boils down to this idea: when you fight so hard to get something that seems ever so magical but elusive and hard to achieve, finally getting it can be nice -- really nice, in fact — but the problem remains that you’re still you, and if, at the core of your being, you aren’t reasonably happy with yourself before you get it, you probably won’t be happier when you do and the newness wears off. Either way, what do you do when you've run out of mountains to climb, or you are no longer able to climb them? Surely, there’s got to be something more! The short answer is, yes, there is, but you just find other things to focus on. If you are a mountain climber and you've maxed out climbing Mount Rainier or Mount Everest and can no longer do so, you can switch to hiking or writing books or a blog about your experiences. For me, even though I am getting off the upgrade path, I can review the latest and greatest, be content with what I have, enjoy the music and other pursuits, and be open to new vistas and opportunities that come my way. I have been aware of that for some time now, but there's been something else gnawing at me, and a recent experience helped me key in on what this is. Ribs and the Spirit Two weeks ago, on a frigid Friday night, I joined 200 men at a church men’s conference. Following registration, groups of us stood shivering around fire pits as a cold wind blew, wolfing down barbecued ribs, chili, and other select meats. Afterwards, we warmed up inside, raffled some door prizes, admired some motorcycles on display, drank coffee and engaged in conversations. I enjoyed meeting up with the guys. Then, we listened and sang to a live performance of contemporary praise music and, afterwards, heard a keynote speaker share his raw story of losing his ministry, marriage, family, and fortune as he succumbed to sexual addiction, only to find recovery and redemption afterwards. That was brutal, but also inspirational. Having found little help at a nationally renowned treatment facility, his breakthrough came with a moment of spiritual clarity. God spoke to his heart, he said. His redemption wasn’t going to come from working out some self-powered makeover, but from surrender to Christ and letting Him help die to his former self (and life), to be raised as a new creation with a renewed relationship with God, new focus and mission. The speaker continued to flourish with the help of support groups, counsel, and accountability. Embracing sobriety for some years now, he is remarried and helping other men find victory in their addictions and life struggles. Key to his success were these key points: we need to change our hearts (turning our hearts towards God), change our minds (saturating and reprogramming our minds with biblical passages and choosing to focus on positive and pure thoughts, and (as I recall) repeat the Lord’s Prayer in earnest when trouble and temptations come. Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Blaise Pascal once said that everyone has a God shaped vacuum inside of them, and it’s my observation that many audio enthusiasts – myself included – have a tendency to try and fill that void with our aural pursuits. However, on this matter, author Edwin Darius doesn’t apologize when he elaborates on Pascal’s quote in an essay. He writes: A paraphrase of Blaise Pascal’s work goes like this “There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every [person] which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God the Creator, made known through Jesus Christ.” So many of us try to fill that God-shaped gap with things that end up causing us to feel even more empty and unhappy. It is only Jesus that has the ability to fill that gap. His message is relevant to everyone and meets the basic needs of every human being. I left that conference with my heart warmed and encouraged by his message. Even though I am a Christian believer, my focus and implementation hasn’t been what it should be. This evening, I felt a nudge within, prompting me to renew my connection with God, refocus my heart and spirit, and restore a better balance in my life with His help. I want to serve God better with my unique gifts and temperament. A Holiday Challenge Now I know the primary focus of this site is audio, followed by A/V and associated subjects, occasional sports, and other contemporary lifestyle content (architecture or cigars, for example). However, occasionally, it is my desire to point to the Eternal, which was the primary driver for creating the “Lifetone” section of Prairie Audio Man Cave. I also know that some reading might not relate to this article at all; you’re just loving the music and, if anything, are perplexed with this piece. Or, perhaps you are struggling with much heavier issues. Maybe you are wrestling with life threatening issues for yourself or someone you love. Or, like many, this time of year comes with difficult emotional baggage – so much so that you can’t wait for it to pass. If so, I am sorry. Hold on. Press on. And read on, please. With Christmas and Hanukkah fast approaching, this is an excellent opportunity to revisit where you stand with Jesus Christ who, the Bible says, came to earth to show himself to mankind and redeem us to himself through his death on a cross. Moreover, it declares that He is the Messiah of Israel, as promised in the Tanakh (the Jewish sacred text or “Hebrew Bible” – see more HERE ) If this seems too hocus pocus, you’re in good company. Lee Strobel was the former award-winning legal editor and writer of the Chicago Tribune who, as an atheist, tried to disprove his wife’s Christian faith, but after exhaustive research, eventually came to faith himself (you can read more about him HERE ) In 1998, Strobel wrote a book on his research entitled, The Case for Christ, and in 2017, an excellent drama movie by the same name was released about his story. Starring Mike Vogel, Ericka Christensen, Faye Dunaway and Robert Forster, it’s a thought provoking film well worth watching. A Man (or Woman) of Action
As you busy yourself with this season's holiday shopping, social engagements, stresses, and A/V pursuits, I have a challenge for you: be a man (or woman) of action! Carve some time out to read Lee Strobel’s book, The Case for Christ. Or, if that’s too time consuming, set aside an hour and a half, make some popcorn, and watch the movie on Netflix (you can rent it for about five dollars) or some other movie provider. It’s fascinating, and really worth your while. It just might bring some unexpected brightness and balance to your holiday not only this year, but for seasons to come! Happy holidays, happy listening, and Merry Christmas!
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Juan C. AyllonA writer, artist, educator and owner of Prairie Audio Man Cave, he lives with his wife, Isabel (AKA Belle), and their Goldendoodle, Liam, enjoys listening to high fidelity music and all things hi-fi at their home in the greater Chicagoland area.. Archives
May 2024
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